“Hello dear. What’s wrong?”
“I don’t know. I can’t seem to shake this blah feeling. I look at my life and I don’t understand what’s going on. It’s like everything inside of me knows what to do, but the rest of me doesn’t want to follow. Is this self-pity? Where has the joy gone? My favorite seasons are here and the weather has been beautiful, and instead of getting a touch of spring fever, it’s like – oh yeah. I’ve even got my window open and hear the crickets chirping. I think of the things I had wanted to do that seemed to be exciting and they seem to have fallen by the wayside. There seems to be a change of direction in my life that I don’t understand and that I honestly am not really enjoying right now. I look at a list I scribbled half-heartedly of some things I need to get done this weekend and don’t even know where to start – and there’s nothing on the list that’s going to take forever. I know You’re with me and I know You have a plan, I guess sometimes I’d like to get just a glimpse of what that might be.
I’m trying my best not to walk in condemnation, but when I look around at my circumstances, I just see where I’ve messed up again and again and again. Sometimes I honestly don’t know why You put up with me.
I saw a picture of my mom today and wished selfishly I had her back, even for a day, just to talk to her. I look at my family and friends and I see where You’ve blessed them, but I also see so many uncertainties in their lives, as well.
I believe beyond a shadow of a doubt that You love me – more than I could ever possibly know. I know every single word in the Bible is true. I don’t doubt You. I guess it’s me I doubt. Sometimes I can envision me doing what I believe You’re calling me to do, and then sometimes it seems like only a dream. How am I supposed to get from here to there? I try not to be angry, but it seems like it doesn’t take much for me to fly off the handle. My patience isn’t what it used to be. I’m the one that could throw a line out in the surf and sit for hours (that I could probably still do). You’ve blessed me more than I deserve, but then it’s not about what I deserve – it’s about how much You love me.
I know I can’t lose the fight within me, but sometimes I get tired of putting the devil and all of his crowd under my feet, and all that he tries to bring. I’m quoting scripture and standing and – I’m not going to lie – trying my best to praise; and meditating on Your word seems next to impossible with all the other things vying for attention in my thoughts. I know faith isn’t based on sight, but if I could see just something to let me know I’m on the right track, that I’m doing this right. Sometimes I can’t help but wonder if I’m doing something wrong, if I’m being a hindrance to Your blessings.
I know You’re here. I know You’ve given me Your Holy Spirit. I know we’re in this together. I know You’ve brought Your strengths to my weaknesses. Just please show me if I’m doing something wrong. I want my motives to be right. I’ve been thinking the past couple of days about fear. I even blogged about it. I don’t want everything I do to be governed by fear, yet even as I sit here and think of what I’m afraid of, it’s like I don’t even care anymore. Then I think about tomorrow and wonder if what I don’t care about tonight will surface as fear tomorrow. So in answer to Your question, I honestly do not know what’s wrong. Can you show me where I’ve gone wrong and what I need to do to get my joy back and my confidence and my warrior attitude? Should I have to search Facebook or emails for inspiration to get a kick start? I certainly hope not, because that’s what I did tonight and it sure didn’t help a whole lot. I need You – and Your guidance.”
“Come unto me all ye that are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Sometimes resting in Me feels odd because it’s not what you’re used to. You can find joy simply by resting in Me, by simply being held by Me, and knowing I’ve got this. We are in this together, so you need to lay down all the things you think you need to be doing, take some time to rest in My arms and just simply know that I’m here, not expecting anything from you – not tonight – but to just rest and let Me be Me, because My dear, even a warrior needs to rest. Tomorrow’s a new day, so rest in Me and whatever comes tomorrow, we’ll handle together, and if I ever need to pick up the slack, trust Me, I will. I love you with an everlasting love! Sleep sweet!”